After a while, who cares about a come back?

August 22, 2005 8:06 p.m.

I guess you could say it's that time again. I'm back. It's hard not to roll my eyes at that, but whatever. I AM back.

Sort of.

I'm not actually doing anything to lose weight at the moment. I know I've packed on about 20-30 lbs in the past month - yep. Amazing. My clothes are beginning to get tight, although they still fit Thank GOD.

Between the last and entry and this, I kind of had a slight breakdown. All the weeks of trying to be strong got to me, and I couldn't take it anymore. Got downright suicidal for a while. Which is why I haven't given a crap if I gained or not. To be honest, I even welcomed it at one point.

I can't go on like this. I'm beginning to feel guilty. What helps in more ways than one - my mother-in-law and I have started going to a support group. One of the ladies there lost her daughter not long after she had had gastric bypass. She became paralyzed from the lower lip down, and they had no idea. Once they figured out that her body wasn't absorbing Vit. B, they began to reverse the problem. She died of a blood clot 6 days later. The poor girl was 27 years old, and mother to 2 little ones.

That can't be me. I don't want that. But the way I'm going, I'm going to kill myself. Deep down, I'm as vain as the next woman - I want to look good. I want to be thinner. I just don't know if I have the strength in me to care enough to make the effort.

Which is why I'm going back to Weight Watchers. I know it's expensive, but I don't have much choice. Going out and buying new clothes because the clothes I just bought a few months ago have mysteriously shrunk wouldn't be cheap, either. Not with LB prices.

One day at a time. I know it's cliche, and everyone repeats it. But it's at least accurate, and it's time I gave some thought to it. I'm going to attempt this One. Day. At. A. Time.

Who knows where I might end up.

Tomorrow I'll be attending my first meeting back, at the center I went to before I moved.

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