Weeks 26, 27, 28
March 05, 2005 9:45 a.m.
I think I've lost track of my weeks! Oh well, I'll figure it out later.
I've been having a hell of a time lately. The stress of DH being sick is getting to me. Not knowing what's going to happen is getting to me. I haven't exercised once since he went to the other hospital, and that has to change.
As for how he's doing, he's actually not nearly as depressed as he was. He's decided to fight, thank God. His cancer returned for the 3rd time last Tuesday, so they're not going to wait for him to go into remission again and get his counts up. They're just going to give him his chemo, wait a week, test the bone marrow, and if it's clear of cancer cells, proceed with the bone marrow transplant. So it should be happening within the next couple of weeks.
There's a chance he won't ever be cancer-free.
I still feel very guilty about trying to lose weight. About caring for my health, when his is much more important. Maybe that's been the reason I haven't been OP. Guilt is a powerful thing.
The week after that 3.4 lb gain, I was so not OP. It just hit me hard, because I didn't feel I deserved it. There wasn't a reason I could think of to cause it. It's hard learning (and remembering!) that the scale doesn't always make sense. But I came back to myself the following week, although I couldn't bring myself to journal. I just tried to make healthy choices, and paid attention to what I put in my mouth. Chose the not so bad over the really really bad.
This week I'm back on track. Was considering starting core, but it has me worried. I don't want to mess it up, and wind up getting stuck eating something I don't like just because it's the only Core food in the house. We get paid in about a week, so I'll be going shopping then, and loading up on Core stuff.
For now, I'm going to combine Flex and Core. Eat as much Core foods as I can, but count the points. Truth be told, I'll probably journal points even when I AM officially on Core.
Anyway, I had a 3 lb loss last night. I'm going to vary my meetings between Fridays and Saturdays, because I don't like the fact that if I miss my meeting Saturday, I've missed an entire week, and have to either use one of my free weeks or pay for it. Even if I go Sunday morning. It's not really fair that people who normally weigh in on Sundays have the option of any other day of that week to go in and not have it count against them.
I bought a WW food scale last night. So far I love it! It's so much easier seeing that something weighs 1.00 oz instead of having to figure out what number that little dial thingy is on with the old food scale that I have. Should help keep my portions at the right size.
I bought my new shoes a couple of days after I got my 50 lb magnet. They're Avias, and while they're not the exact model I have on my Rewards page, they're so close to it. But because I haven't been exercising, they're still in their box at the top of my closet.
Tell me the point of spending $60 on shoes and not using them??? I've told myself they're to be worn only during exercise, and I'm going to stick to that.
I have a bit of a chest cold, but it should be on it's way out soon. I've been sick since Wednesday or so, and I think yesterday was probably the worst. I don't want to irritate things by exercise, so I'm going to wait just a bit longer. But I really really want to wear my new shoes!
I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday, so I can get my allergies and asthma under control. I've never been to this guy before, so I know my weight is going to come up. Ugh. I hate having doctors lecture me about my weight. My mom recommended this guy, so we'll see if he's any good. I hope he isn't an ass, I would hate to have to find another doctor.
For the gazillionth time... I SWEAR I'm going to start updating more often!
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