Hurt Feelings

September 26, 2004 12:23 p.m.

DH is also overweight. He's 6' and 325 lbs. So he's not exactly at a healthy weight for his height.

He makes fat jokes. We were watching a show last night on middle school confessions, and there was a 14 year old girl on there who was maybe 50 lbs overweight, and was also bi-sexual. He said something to the effect of her being bi because she needed a skinny girl and a skinny guy to balance her out.

He had trouble understanding why saying something like that would upset me so much. I tried to make him see that by making fun of someone who was obviously much smaller than me, that he was making fun of me.

He didn't see it that way.

He didn't see that he was hurting my feelings by talking about how fat that girl was - when I would LOVE to weigh that much. I don't think I ever will be a thin person, and at this point in my life I don't care - I just want to be smaller and happy. I have no idea what my real goal weight should be, because I don't know what it's like to live at a normal, healthy weight.

We managed to talk things out, and he told me that he just doesn't see me as fat. He realizes I'm overweight, but he doesn't SEE it. I can understand this - I don't see him as Fat, although I know he's overweight.

When we first met, I weighed somewhere around 300 lbs. I had confidence, I didn't care what others thought of me (to a certain extent, anyways), and I was happy. I know that's what attracted DH to me. I'm not like that anymore. I don't know exactly when things changed. DH has always made me feel special, and loved.

It's funny how one bad joke can bring on so much loathing and self-doubt.

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