A Lifestyle Change

September 17, 2004 5:17 p.m.

Everyone who is trying to lose weight says they're making a lifestyle change. The whole phrase has become so cliched that I don't even know if it actually means anything anymore.

I've been on Weight Watchers for 3 1/2 weeks. I have not made a lifestyle change. Sure, I've began making better choices, and controlling my portion sizes. But I have not made a lifestyle change.

To me a lifestyle change would be completely rehauling the way you used to do things, and getting to the point where you don't even consider another way. Like how you USED to be, but in a healthier way. Instead of feeling like you could eat if someone offers you some food, being OK with saying you're not hungry just because someone is offering you food. Being OK with only a scoop of ice cream, or one slice of cake. Feeling satisfied by normal-sized portions.

I don't think I'll ever truly get to the point where I don't have to make a conscious decision to improve my health. That sounds negative, but really it's not. I'm trying to be realistic. It's easier for me to know that I'll always have to pay attention than to think that someday - a year from now, 5 years from now, whatever - that I'll magically be transformed and have a thin person's mentality. On the inside I'm always going to be me.

When I was a kid I dreamed of being thin, but never actually did anything to where I actually DID something about it. I dreamed for that perfect body, for the way it looked like skinny girls had it so easy, and were so happy. Everyone has problems. Losing weight isn't going to erase all of them. My health will be better, my self-esteem will be better, and odds are because of that, my relationships will improve. I don't think anyone ever really knows what weight loss will ultimately mean for them until they've done it. Maybe that's part of the reason why so many people gain back whatever they manage to lose. It's easier to live the old lifestyle than to create a new. At least with the old you're safe, and there's comfort in that.

My ultimate goal is to change my way of thinking for the better, which will be a lot more work than just losing weight. For once I feel confident that I can do that. My goals aren't just about fitting into smaller clothes anymore.

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